"Don't Put Your Elbows on the Table!" - Examining A Questionable American Folkway

"Elbows off the table!"

These dreadful words have been spat at me almost every evening for approximately 16 years.  Doing the math, that's almost SIX THOUSAND TIMES that I've heard the command.  And even still, I have no idea why I must keep my elbows off the table.  Sure, I've probably asked a few times.  But the answer I always received never went deeper than "because it's bad manners" or "because I said so".

After doing some research on the topic, I found out the REAL reason why you should keep your arm-knees off of your eating surface at all times.  Apparently, back in the olden days, banquet tables were not as sturdy as they are today, and so if someone put their elbows on the table and leant too heavily, the table could collapse.  And so, people who committed such a dangerous crime were sanctioned in a very negative way.  Also, common sense tells us that elbows can easily knock over drinks, so I guess there's Reason #2.

However, the question I still have is WHY ON EARTH CAN'T I PUT MY ELBOW ON THE TABLE?!  Being a dedicated student and athlete, dinnertime is probably the point during my day when I am most likely to drop dead of exhaustion.  When sitting at the table eating dinner, my neck often feels it needs a break from having to hold up my big brain all the time.  And so I will casually rest my elbow on the table, place my beautiful face in my upward-faced palm, and feel such comfort, relaxation, and happiness as I let gravity do all the work.  I can hardly describe the euphoria.

And then it comes.  The death stare.  Either from my mother or father (more often than not my father).  A look of complete disapproval.  Eyebrows lowered, bottom eyelids slightly raised, jaw clenched ever so slightly. 

"Elbows off the table!"

Why does he care so much anyway?!  Our table is sturdy enough to withstand the puny force of my one elbow.  In fact, everyone in my family could have their elbows up if they so desired.  And as for knocking things over, the only thing within range of my elbow is my half-glass of milk, and to be honest that's a chance I'm willing to take.

Then it hits me.  Back some thirty years ago, my dad was in the exact same spot I'm in; my grandfather at the head of the table.  The exact same scenario most likely occurred many a time with my father, and so he believes he must do the same for his children.  Such a cultural folkway is in existence solely by sheer familial pass-it-down ways.  My father was brought up to believe an elbow-free table is a happy table, and my guess is that my grandfather learned it from his father and so on.

So if we can't blame it on my father, and we can't blame it on his father, who can we blame it on?  The answer is simple:  America.

Leave it to America to keep such a stupid, inconvenient folkway alive after so long.  In class this past week, we've been talking about culture and learning how each different culture carries a different set of values, morals and folkways.  Some made sense at one point (doing "cheers" at dinner http://www.snopes.com/food/rituals/clink.asp, shaking hands when meeting someone http://disciplinedcreativity.blogspot.com/2009/02/why-do-we-shake-hands-with-people.html, etc.) but should now be considered obsolete, and do not provide themselves as anything more than a simple nuisance to tired people (cough cough no elbows on the table cough cough).

Personally I'm against it completely, and I will pass around a petition tomorrow during class that will thus allow any and all elbows to roam freely to whatever dining surface they so desire whenever they so desire.  Sign it if you agree.